cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
