He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
