Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
