Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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