your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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