Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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