im about as happy as oj after his trial
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I have surprise drugs for everyone
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
