The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
