You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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