I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
