I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
