somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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