Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
