He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
