That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
