I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
