kristin has been a bad kristin
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
