I'm going to rape someone's good day.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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