hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Can Purell be used as lube?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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