Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
