he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I can't turn off my feet"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
is that a dick in a sweater?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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