First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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