Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
