I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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