I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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