Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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