I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So vagazzling was a success
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
