ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
