It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
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