a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
