I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
