there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
