just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i jhust puked up my retainher.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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