Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
