So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
