We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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