WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
