Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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