Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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