you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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