you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
