Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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