Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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