it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
