Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
