A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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