i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize