i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
