there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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