He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
