You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
