he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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