there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
