I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
