Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
