I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
