I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Let's paint friendship bongs
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
