dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
