Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? 😭😭
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He has the fingertips of a God
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