Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
