I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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