He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
