yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
