ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
