I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
