Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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