He asked me if I "almost moaned"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize