I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
