I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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