she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
