STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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