I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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