Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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