WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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