Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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