he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
